SATIRE

Due to Michelle Obama being out of office, her healthy lunch plan in schools was immediately thrown out. The somewhat sketchy school lunches just got worse. The lunches changed from being bland due to whole grain, no sugar, and barely any serving sizes to so much sugar that kids have been gaining weight. Some kids have gained up to 35 pounds in one week because no healthy options are available. The teens aren’t really complaining because they get to eat candy, cake, brownies, and ice cream for lunch; however, the change is noticeable in the worst possible way. The obesity rate in the United States tripled in just three days. The United States is now the most obese country in the world. The change in student’s weights is not only affecting their health but it is also affecting their emotional stability. Some students are so hyper that they are receiving behavioral referrals for not being able to control themselves due to the sugar rush. 

Principal of Kandy Elementary School, Mr. Caramel, stated, “I have given out over 600 behavioral referrals because students simply cannot stay on task.” Other students have become depressed and lost motivation to do everyday activities. With no motivation or any focus, test scores have decreased by 98%. Freshman Patricia Pastry stated, “I went from being a straight A student to Getting all F’s”. Students are not only suffering academically, but the sports teams have undergone dramatic change. Junior Cameron Crabcakes stated, “I was our starting quarterback, but now my weight gain has affected my ability to run.”

The almost overnight change has caused panic among parents. Not only have the lunches gotten unhealthier, but the sanitation in the kitchens of hundreds of thousands of schools has gotten worse, causing about 6,000 students to be hospitalized for food poisoning and stomach viruses. Concerned parents have been getting together in some sort of alliance, going around the country burning down school kitchens. There have been parents protesting outside of schools and the White House, begging to bring back healthier lunches. All in all, the students in the United States are suffering drastically and parents are fighting for what is fair.