SATIRE

In August of 2011, NASA launched Juno, the flyby spacecraft that reached Jupiter five years after its initial launch from Cape Canaveral, Florida. On July 4^th of 2016, Juno received information that NASA was unprepared for.

“Yes, it’s true, Jupiter has an abundance of alien life,” says Marc Sillystring, a chief scientist and sudden-finding-of-extraterrestrial-life specialist at NASA. “However, these Jupiter aliens, whom we are now calling Junebugs, have a peculiar method of communication.”

According to Sillystring, the Junebugs utilize the sound waves of the planet to communicate with other life forms, and after centuries of searching for alien life, NASA has finally discovered these radio-like sound waves through Juno.

“The Junebugs have been sharing billions of years of knowledge and alien records with us for the past century through these radio-like sound waves, and the most recent sound wave that we have decoded has been, basically, pleading – ‘Do Not Allow Donald Trump to Overthrow Earth’,” explains Frederick Snowball, NASA’s top technologist and researcher. “Yes, through our spacecraft Juno they’ve sent us incredibly significant photos of Jupiter’s storm patterns, higher altitude cloud forms, shadows cascading from the gaseous matter hovering in the atmosphere, a bluer surface hue; but everyone here at NASA is talking about the fact that Donald Trump is a Junebug from Jupiter.”

Although this has recently become a matter of national security, most of the astrologists, scientists, researchers, mathematicians, engineers, and astronauts find it to be quite amusing.

“Donald Trump is from Jupiter?!” laughs Fanny Ultide, an engineer in the southwest corner of NASA’s main building. “I’m still voting for him. We need some extraterrestrial insight in the government right about now.”

Currently, the United States FBI, CIA, and other investigation agencies have taken up the first-hand encounter and twisted it into a government inquiry. Donald Trump has since been questioned about the legitimacy of the situation, and Trump has since confirmed the discovery.

Sarah Reindeer, a CIA official, says, “He is a Junebug. He is from Jupiter. And he will probably be the next president of the United States of America.”

This is a satire article based off of the following news story: http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/03/health/jupiter-north-pole-irpt/index.html